Monday, April 1, 2013

G.O.N.E.



I lost my beloved uncle last Friday, please donate some al-Fatihah for him. May his soul be blessed by Allah s.w.t.  ;’)



I am not writing for sympathy or trying to gain a praise, I am just sharing the waves of emotions that I am feeling inside over the painful news.



His name was Tuah and we were supposed to call him Pak Cik Tuah (Uncle Tuah) but I settled on calling him Abang Wah and it stayed like that for eighteen years. We were never close because he was the kind of guy who was very quiet and we all respected his privacy.


To be honest, Bang Wah and I were never tight. He preferred to stay silent over chatting about things that he was not interested in. He was not even close to my other uncles and aunts. However, I love him. Yeah, he did not shower me with gifts and all like my aunts but he cared about me. We never had any long chat but once in a while when he saw me grieving, he tried to soothe my pain away, in his own way. When my aunts tended to my brother only and ignored me because I pissed them off, he always flashed me his beautiful smile and invited me to have some meal together with him to cheer me up(when he was known as someone who prefers to eat alone). And in this big world, he was only person who ever called me Dek Pi other than my sister. Although the nickname was a little bit childish, it was my favorite of all because it was what reminded me that I was always their little girl.


Bang Wah was like a father to me (he was my dad’s little brother). I lived in the same house as him starting at the age of five until I was fifteen (my two aunts and grandma also live there). My mom lived in another town and my dad lived at a teacher flat, so when I was five, they decided that they would let my grandma and aunts take care of me and my siblings (same town as my dad). Dad died when I was thirteen and Bang Wah was the closest father figure to me. I often played with his stuff and watched his TV. I knew it sometimes pissed him off but he never scolded me for it. Sometimes my TV shows clashed with his football matches but he stayed silent as he saw me sitting in front of the TV.


His death shocked me
But then reality hit me
And it saddened me
However, disbelief set in
He was gone
He was not coming back
He left us
He forgot to say goodbye
To me
To his beloved mom
And to all of us
Leaving us grieving
Leaving us devastated
Leaving us speechless
But
Allah just loves him more
I’ll try to accept it
Even when it hurts
Even when it kills
I will try to be strong
Not for me
But for her
For the mom that he left behind
For the grandma that I love
For the woman who has been strong
For the beautiful soul who deserves happiness
For nenek who has been hurt the most by his loss..


Love, Dek Pi.





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